Vulnerability, Fear, and My Paintings

I’ve been always introverted. I don’t usually speak up my opinion or share my thoughts. It is very scary to me. I feel so vulnerable. All fearful thoughts come to my mind before I even think about opening my mouth. ‘What if nobody agrees with me… what if someone opposes to my thoughts or opinion…’  So, I normally ended up saying nothing.

So, where does this fear come from? Fear of what other people think of me. It is all in my mind!

I used to write a lot in my teens. But after I became an adult I got busier and busier, and eventually stopped writing. All of my unspoken thoughts were suppressed deep down inside of me. Those suppressed thoughts came up and manifested in many ways in my life. After I went through some of “sufferings”, I started painting. Expressing something that has been so deeply suppressed for so long was very much like therapy at that time.

In the beginning, I had no intension to share my paintings. Just like speaking up my thoughts, it was scary to show my paintings to others. All the fearful thoughts came up again. ‘I don’t have skills to show… nobody would like my paintings… so many great artists out there, why would I want to show my paintings…?’ But this time, I decided to get out of my comfort zone.

If someone happens to like my paintings, that would be wonderful. If someone saw my painting and thought “I can paint better than that”, that would be wonderful too. One day, it dawned on me that when someone sees sunset someone else sees sunrise at the same time depending on where they are at some may not even see the sun, but it is still the same sun. Each individual has each individual perception. When I accept that I felt at ease. It is almost like zooming out and including everything. I’m still introversive but I don’t have to be fearful of sharing my paintings anymore.

Now, sharing my thoughts and writing may be different… I want to choose my words correctly and accurately so that I can express close to my authentic thoughts as much as possible. But I decided to get out of my comfort zone on this subject also. So…, this is very first writing of my thoughts. 🙂

Dark Sunset fine art photography by Masako

Dark Sunset

2 Responses to “Vulnerability, Fear, and My Paintings”

  • Brenda McMahen:

    Thank you so much for sharing your paintings and your thoughts with us. You have given me a new perspective, which will hopefully help me to bravely step into my true self. I love your artwork by the way! Thanks again for giving me the courage to stop judging my own creative abilities as less than someone else’s. It may take time for me to get to where you are,…but you’ve planted the seed, and I am so grateful.

    Blessings,
    Brenda

    • Masako Simmons:

      Thank you Brenda for stopping by and leave your comment. There is always a first step to move forward. We’ll eventually get where we want to be, then some. 🙂
      Love,
      Masako

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